Therapy-- What's In It For You?

Answers to your questions in terms you can understand.

A therapist should talk to you, and have a dialogue with you. This point sounds like common sense, but many therapists appear to be highly passive and do not respond to their clients other than to nod “um-hmm” or occasionally to ask, “What do you think?” You ought to expect your therapist to engage in an active dialogue with you, even while maintaining professional detachment.

Help in finding solutions to current problems--here and now.

Bad therapy rests on the premise that your childhood experiences shaped you in ways that are largely beyond your control in adult life. Good therapy rests on the opposite premise: that you can and should rise above your past. Typically, therapists presume there is little you can do about your early experiences -- other than to identify them and insist that others in your life realize they have disabled and victimized you. A good therapist realizes that while you do not have control over your early childhood experiences, you do have control over how you think and act in the present. A therapist’s job is to help coach and direct you in the healthy direction: to reject and rise above mistaken, dysfunctional patterns of thinking and acting.

Alternatives to the victim approach of blaming everything on your family, "society" or your biological make-up.

In good therapy, the theoretical implications are clear. Emotional states are consequences of thought processes, and changes in thought processes can lead to changes in both emotional states and behaviors. Rational introspection, defined as reasoning with one’s feelings and emotions, represents the means for changing your emotional state. Psychiatrists and therapists who suggest you are totally determined by other forces -- social, familial, biological -- are simply wrong. As proof of this fact, look at the psychological state of the world despite the unprecedented number of therapists, psychiatrists and self-help gurus out there. If you’re going to pursue therapy, you will need a different approach from what the mainstream is presently offering.

Useful ideas about stress and time management.

In personal consultation or therapy, you can learn: How to reinforce rational ideas in place of irrational ones whenever possible (e.g. to reinforce the idea, “I am my own keeper” to replace the idea, “I am everyone else’s keeper.”) … You can learn the technique of psychological entrepreneurism … You can discover the virtue and healthiness of going with your own independent, reasoned judgment throughout life … Develop a time budget … Learn how to “reprogram” your mind where necessary … See how to integrate acceptance of reality into everyday life, without losing the need for idealism and romance … and to live a rationally self-interested life, rather than a mindless or self-sacrificing one.

Assistance overcoming the twin problems of emotional repression and emotional over-indulgence.

Both rational and irrational individuals feel. The distinctive feature of a psychologically healthy person is his/her habitual use of introspection to examine the truth or falsehood of automatized thoughts/feelings. This is something most of us are not taught -- and, in fact, many of us have learned just the opposite.

Practical suggestions for solving family or relationship conflicts.

Everyone talks about communication, but few people practice it. Either we say nothing about an emotional or difficult topic, or we explode or overreact to it. In the great majority of cases, there is a third alternative: rational assertiveness. Good therapy can teach and reinforce healthy principles of communication which will, in turn, improve your relationships. People can be very different, but the great majority respond well to dignified, respectful communication. Usually they want the same things you want: kindness and sensitivity integrated with honesty and objectivity.

Help dealing with difficult people.

Generally, the key to dealing with difficult people is to be firm -- like an unmovable boulder, but without becoming defensive or hostile (as these show weakness). Therapy and consultation can help you rehearse for handing difficult individuals and, at the same time, learn to accept that you will never change who they are. A good therapist will also remind you that you have choices. In many cases, you need not interact with difficult individuals at all. In most if not all other cases, you can drastically minimize your contact with them. In cases where you have no choice, therapy can help you learn not to give such people psychological power.

Relevant articles and handouts provided as part of the therapy process

Dr. Hurd has published a wealth of articles, books and essays designed to motivate and teach you. His first book, “Effective Therapy” inoculates you against the irrational influences of most therapy, while providing you with a sound alternative in terms you can understand and apply to daily life. His second book, “Grow Up America!” helps you move past the excuses of today’s culture -- excuses perpetuated by people (therapists, lawyers, politicians) who want you to remain dependent upon them in some form -- and towards independence and the rational pursuit of happiness.

A therapist who is on your side, but will not lie to you.

A good therapist is on your side, but will never compromise objectivity or honesty. Your relationship with the therapist is confined to the office, the telephone, or online. No therapist can replace a loved one in your personal life. But a therapist can act as an objective voice of reason in your life, to make sure you consider all the relevant options before taking important actions. Probably everyone needs a good therapist at some point in his or her life. Move past the stereotypes about therapy and counseling. It’s not about curing “mental illness” or labeling yourself “crazy” or making excuses like “attention deficit disorder.” Rather, it’s about improving your life and doing what’s objectively right for yourself.

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