Dear Dr. Hurd: I have been unemployed for four years as a result of a combination of abnormal circumstance (a health problem in conjunction with the depressed economy). As the length of time that I've been unemployed increases, my odds of finding a job seem to decrease, trapping me in a death spiral of chronic unemployment. A relative who is a small business owner has offered to compose a fake resume and provide a fake reference stating that I've been working for her during all the years that I've been unemployed. I do not believe that I can accept this offer since I would be lying to prospective employers to trick them into giving me a job that they would not give me otherwise. Do you agree? Is there any circumstance under which I can justify taking such an offer?

Dr. Hurd's reply: Let's walk through what would happen, if you took such an offer.

You lie on your resume. And then you're hired, based on those lies. Immediately, you have a double burden in the new job. One, you have to prove yourself in the new job, as would be the case in any new job. Two, you have to maintain the lie. You have to remember that there are, in a sense, "two realities." One is the truth, and the other is the truth as you presented it. You must never slip up and forget both of these. In addition to doing the job well, you have to do a good job of preserving the fraud. 

Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum has reportedly said that every child has a "God-given" right to a heterosexual set of parents -- meaning man and woman, not two men or two women. He argues this in defense of a Constitutional amendment to ban gay/lesbian partnerships or marriages.

Think about the implications of this assertion. They go way beyond any debate over gay marriage or homosexuality in general. If somebody has a right to something, then they're entitled to it, via force, if necessary. We don't yet know how Santorum would implement this right, if given the chance. But since he's running for President -- the highest government office in the land -- he clearly believes that government should have some kind of role in enforcing this right. 

A reader writes: How can I overcome my fear of flying? When I’m on an airplane, every little bit of turbulence makes me jump. It’s not so much that I’m afraid of terrorism as I am of the possibility of incompetent mechanics on the ground who maintain the aircraft, or cost-cutting CEOs of the airline who would send an older airplane with maintenance problems up into the sky rather than spend money on a newer one. I realize that without flying I will never get to go anywhere very interesting, so I’d like to hear your advice.

Dr. Hurd replies:

Everything has a price. A candy bar costs fifty cents. A car costs twenty or thirty thousand dollars. A house costs hundreds of thousands of dollars. Just as objects have financial costs, choices we make have emotional or psychological costs. Marriage, for example, means having less control over your independent living in exchange, hopefully, for the presence of a wonderful level of intimacy and compatibility in your life.