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Daily Dose of Reason -
Psychology & Self-Improvement
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Written by Michael J. Hurd, Ph.D.
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Saturday, 13 March 2010 00:00 |
 When someone claims "I want to help you" or "I want to help him" what they often mean is: "I want to change you." Another version is "I want her to get help" which really means: "I want her to change." There are two problems with this. One, it's disingenuous and dishonest. Two, it disguises an impossibility inside a possibility. It disguises the falsehood that one can change another -- when in fact, one can only change oneself -- in the equally false cliche that "helping" is always virtuous and therefore always rational, no matter what. |
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Daily Dose of Reason -
Psychology & Self-Improvement
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Written by Michael J. Hurd, Ph.D.
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Wednesday, 10 March 2010 00:00 |
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 Q: I don't think I understand your conclusion regarding "Career Like Marriage" [see Daily Dose of Reason for March 6, 2010]. Are you saying that by accepting less than one's ideal romantic or career choices, one precludes the possibility of ever doing so? Surely, a lifelong commitment to personal growth, would create the possibility of finding and enjoying one's most desired passions, even late in life. It would seem that the quest, itself, would bring purpose and happiness to the journey. Unfortunately, ideal romantic love involves the choices of two souls, whereas, finding a career passion can usually be achieved by one. If less than complete happiness is achieved in one's life, isn't that better than none at all; or, have I totally missed your point?
A: No, you’re contributing to my point. There’s a distinction between a career commitment and merely a job. A career is a form of work you “marry,” while a job is something you can do with productivity and pride, but you’re not in any sense married to it. I’m saying: don’t make a career commitment unless you find work worthy of your highest productive efforts and focus. In a totally free and rational society, almost everyone would be able to do this. In less than rational societies, some can and some honestly cannot find a career to love. Our society, while still the best one to live in on earth, is encumbered by stupid ideas (many documented at this web site) that lead to stupid policies, including political ones, that make for fewer fulfilling lines of work than would otherwise exist. I am suggesting, like you, that some happiness is better than none at all. If you cannot find a career worthy of committing to like you would to a marriage, you can still be productive—and pursue other values in life, instead … OR until you find that career love which, I agree, could even happen later in life. You’re correct that love requires two individuals while a career only requires one. The possibility of finding career happiness is greater than the possibility of finding romantic love in the highest form you might like. Neither is impossible—and both are important enough to refuse to give up on, no matter what the times or culture are like. In romance and career, aim for the stars—and go as far as you can go. |
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Daily Dose of Reason -
Psychology & Self-Improvement
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Written by Michael J. Hurd, Ph.D.
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Saturday, 06 March 2010 00:00 |
 A career choice is like a marriage. If you had 3 women (or men) from which to choose but you know you love none of them, then it makes sense to marry none of them. This is because you would face certain unhappiness in any case. It’s better to remain single and hold out hope for yet finding a love. And that is an option for a career. You can do what you have to do to earn money and continue for all of your life to be open to finding a passion at which you can make money as well. This is one route that people take. They are unable to find a career love, so they do a job instead and pursue as many other values as possible in the realm of hobbies, relationships, pets, travel, children, or whatever is important to them outside of career. I don’t see anything irrational about this so long as one doesn’t conclude that finding something more meaningful along the way remains impossible. |
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Daily Dose of Reason -
Psychology & Self-Improvement
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Written by Michael J. Hurd, Ph.D.
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Friday, 05 March 2010 00:00 |
 Think of your mind as a camera. You can focus the camera wherever you choose. You can fixate on one scene. Or you can diversify, moving from scene to scene. This is something you can consciously do. If it doesn’t happen automatically, there’s no cause for alarm. This is where people go wrong. They panic because the mind doesn’t automatically shift for them, and they’re stuck in the compulsive area. They erroneously conclude, “I cannot control my thoughts.” Or: "I must have ADD!" In actuality, you can shift your thoughts elsewhere, as a camera. The issue is control over your consciousness, i.e. over your mind. This is something everyone must master, as best they can, over the course of life. |
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Daily Dose of Reason -
Psychology & Self-Improvement
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Written by Michael J. Hurd, Ph.D.
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Tuesday, 23 February 2010 00:00 |
 Finances and a general sense of overall “security” are THE reason people stay in unhappy marriages, in my experience. That’s why I believe it’s important to never marry someone (much less have children) until you can afford the lifestyle you want on your own. If marrying someone increases your lifestyle or income, that’s fine—since two incomes almost always do—but your life ought to be at a point where you know you can support yourself even if you didn’t have the marriage. Otherwise you’re trapped if the long-range relationship doesn’t work out, emotionally. |
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