Dear Dr. Hurd: In the Aug. 23 Daily Dose of Reason, you asked us to send in psychobabble euphemisms that we've heard, along with our translations. Here's mine:

My ex-therapist: "You're suffering from childhood trauma."

Translation: "I've rooted out a sob story about you that I can use to whip up your shame and insecurities, convince you that you have big problems that you can't deal with on your own, and keep you coming back into my office."

"Childhood trauma" was the explanation that my ex-therapist gave for my fibromyalgia. I was skeptical, and indeed, I found the physical explanation and the cure after a couple of years of diligent searching. I became a participant in the cohort study (it is now in Phase 3 trials), had the self-discipline to comply with the treatment, and today I'm getting my life back.

Dr. Hurd comments: Another great story! Keep them coming in and I'll publish as many as I can. Kudos to this reader for having the self-esteem to put one's own mind and objective reality above the claims of a credentialed -- but wrong -- professional!

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"I'm having a bad day."

Translation: "I'm letting everything get to me and I have no power over making myself happy at all!"

"He/She makes me so mad!"

Translation: "Someone else has that kind of power over how I react or respond to certain things said or done. I will ignore the fact that no one can make me mad, happy, sad, upset, etc. without my permission of allowing it!"

"Why don't these people get off the road! They're doing the speed limit in the 'fast' lane!"

Translation: Someone who is either chronically late or has such huge control issues that everyone else is a bad driver and they have taken no part in any of this. It's all happening to them. Allowing external events to rule your world and taking no responsibility for yourself.

The medical model applied to psychotherapy and counseling fosters the idea that "treatment" and "diagnosis" of one's "mental conditions" is something that is largely external. Either something or someone is going to cure you and "make" you feel all better. Yet that's not the way it works. The way human beings solve problems is to look for errors in their thinking, and/or to find new, innovative ways of thinking to improve one's life and, in the process, improve one's emotional state. After all, in order to feel good about oneself and life, one must first develop a worthwhile life. Psychology and psychiatry made a horrible wrong turn when they adapted the medical model, first as a metaphor and later quite literally, as a way to encourage people to solve problems. While there's great faith in the medical model on the part of many professionals in the field, there are few satisfied patients out there who have actually benefited from its adoption.

What happens in the mental health field is that people walk away from psychiatrists and therapists with labels describing what their "mental disease" or disorder is thought to be. Everyone has a label of some sort, be it "depression", "anxiety", "ADD", "anger management problems", "Bipolar", or whatever latest fashion the self-help industry dishes up for the masses. "Fine, I have a label -- so what next?" There's little or no guidance on that one, other than take medication and hope for the best. (In the old days it was go into years of pointless psychoanalysis and hope for the best. Nothing has really changed.) Human beings must break free from this disastrous approach to handling human consciousness. It makes much more sense, and is ultimately more healing, to look at your emotional outlook as the way you approach life objectively. "What are my beliefs and attitudes? How do I translate these beliefs and attitudes into choices, over time? Which of these beliefs and attitudes work -- and make sense? Which ones do not?" A therapist can be very helpful in challenging you to look objectively at yourself, the choices you have made, the premises and ideas on which those choices are based -- and what needs changing. Now THAT'S therapy.

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Those in the self-helping industry love to use language to conceal what they're really saying. I call this brand of self-help professional the "politician of spirit." Consider some examples, along with the translations into plain English. 

e.g. "I suffer from alcoholism"

Translation: I drink too much and refuse to do anything about it. 

e.g. "I suffer from the illness of depression"

Translation: I constantly think only about the negative and disregard the positive. 

e.g. "I suffer from anger management difficulty."

Translation: I cause suffering to others by expressing my anger whenever I feel it, without regard to first examining the anger or making it proportionate to the situation. 

e.g. "Joey is nonverbal and uncommunicative." 

Translation: Joey is rude and chronically resentful.

e.g. "I have a chemical imbalance." 

Translation: I don't manage my moods well and I act impulsively before thinking. 

Self-help labels designed to excuse away everything are like abuse of drugs or alcohol. They "help" you distort and evade reality. That may seem like help at the time, but it really isn't help. Reality tells us that we all have the capacity to think, that life is sometimes difficult and we cannot always be at our best. At the same time, we can and should better ourselves by learning how to think and act in more rational ways. Advocates of "self-help" call this simplistic, but in all honesty it's simply the truth. The process of becoming a better and more rational thinker and participant in life is surely a big one. But pretending that you suffer from diseases of the mind, as if something or someone external could change the consequences of your erroneous thinking without any effort (i.e. new thinking) on your part is the greatest delusion since ... well, since socialism and religion. No wonder both those things are still in fashion, too.

(Please write in with excuses that you've heard -- and your own opinion of the proper translation. I'll publish the best ones here, anonymously of course).